35 Funny U.S. Marine Jokes That Even a Devil Dog Would Laugh At

Marines are built different. Tough, relentless, proud—and somehow still capable of cracking some of the best, driest, most sarcastic jokes in uniform. Whether you’re a POG, a grunt, or just someone who survived boot camp with their soul mostly intact, this one’s for you. Here are 35 U.S. Marine jokes that salute the absurd, the hardcore, and the hilarious side of life in the Corps.

Classic Marine Humor: Old School, Still Funny

• What’s the difference between God and a Marine?
  God doesn’t think He’s a Marine.
• Why did the Marine bring a ladder to the bar?
  He heard the drinks were on the house.
• How many Marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  None. They just yell at it until it turns on.
• Why don’t Marines play hide and seek?
  Because good luck hiding when you’re always shouting “OORAH!”
• Why did the Marine sleep under his rifle?
  Because it was his security blanket—and also his pillow.

Boot Camp Memories (a.k.a. Trauma with Punchlines)

• My drill instructor didn’t yell.
  He just raised the volume of truth.
• They said boot camp builds character.
  I said, “Sir, this recruit liked his original character just fine!”
• What do Marines and boot camp have in common?
  Both are intense. And both involve sand in places it shouldn’t be.
• You don’t go to Marine boot camp to find yourself.
  You go to lose yourself… and your hair, sleep, and self-esteem.
• If sarcasm were a weapon, every Marine would be issued two.

Field Life: Mud, MREs, and Misery Loves Company

• What’s a Marine’s favorite seasoning?
  Dirt.
• Why did the Marine eat the MRE?
  Because hunger is stronger than fear.
• What’s the difference between a Marine in the field and a raccoon?
  The raccoon washes its food.
• I joined the Corps for adventure.
  No one said the adventure would involve a porta-potty at 3 a.m.
• How do you tell if a Marine’s been to the field?
  Don’t worry—they’ll show you the rash.

Rank Jokes: Respectfully Rude

• How can you tell a second lieutenant walked through the motor pool?
  There are footprints on the ceiling.
• Why don’t corporals play cards with lieutenants?
  Because they always try to lead with rank.
• How do you make a sergeant laugh on Monday?
  Tell him a joke on Friday.
• What’s the scariest phrase a lance corporal can hear?
  “We’re putting you in charge.”
• Why did the gunnery sergeant cross the road?
  To yell at someone on the other side.

Jarhead Logic: It Doesn’t Have to Make Sense

• Marine motto: “If it’s stupid but it works—it’s doctrine now.”
• Why do Marines always carry duct tape and Motrin?
  Because that’s basically a corpsman in a bottle.
• Marine math: If one bullet costs 25 cents, then 10,000 bullets is called “Monday.”
• What’s a Marine’s idea of a balanced meal?
  A protein bar and a Monster.
• Marine logic: Why talk it out when you can knife-hand the issue instead?

OORAH & Out: Final Punchlines from the Barracks

• They say Marines have a screw loose.
  That’s not true—we just threw it at someone already.
• Joining the Marines is like getting a tattoo:
  Painful, permanent, and you’ll probably have to explain it to your mom.
• “Adapt and overcome” really just means “do it anyway and complain later.”
• What’s the Marine Corps’ favorite romance language?
  Yelling.
• If attitude was ammo, every Marine would be a walking arsenal.

Barracks Banter: Jokes They Definitely Didn’t Teach at Boot Camp

• Why do Marines love chow time?
  Because it’s the only time no one is yelling—unless you drop your tray.
• What’s a Marine’s favorite bedtime story?
  “Once upon a time, there was liberty… and it lasted more than 6 hours.”
• How do Marines fix everything?
  1 part tape, 2 parts yelling, 3 parts “it’ll buff out.”
• What did the Marine say when asked to “use his inside voice”?
  “This IS my inside voice, ma’am.”
• Why don’t Marines ever get bored?
  Because they can always find new ways to iron a T-shirt aggressively.

Final Thoughts (Until the Next Formation)

The Marines are many things: fierce, fearless, and famously fond of dark humor. Because when you’ve stood in the rain for 12 hours straight with soggy socks and a rifle that hates you, sometimes the only thing left to do is laugh. Loudly. At inappropriate times. With people you trust to carry you, tease you, and roast you until the end of time.

So here’s to the Devil Dogs. May your boots stay dry, your MREs be slightly less disgusting, and your jokes forever out-rank your stress.